my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize