We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
