This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
