Have you finally orgasmed yet?
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
