i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
i came on her dog
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
