apparently the secret to your success is patron
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
