her vagina looked like bernie madoff
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
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