Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
