Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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