all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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