i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
