Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize