so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
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