When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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