When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
