Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
