His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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