i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
