I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
