just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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