that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
