the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize