you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Randomize
