Taylor Swift is so right about you.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
