I forgot how hot balto sounded
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
