the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
