Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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