She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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