life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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