I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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