I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
