i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
