We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
