marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
