we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I fill condoms, not promises.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
