I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
