Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize