Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
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