She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
