you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Randomize
