Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
