New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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