I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
