omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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