I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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