How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Someone came in the potted fern
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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