I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
im holly from the hills drunk
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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