Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
