He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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