Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
