We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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