ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
