i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
