Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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