let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
