i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
