So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
