he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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