i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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