i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
