I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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