I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
