He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
