Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
