9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
