I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
