too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
