last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize