Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
no more duck duck goose at the bar
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
