Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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