So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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