Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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