"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
